If we at TBWCYL, Inc. had one wish that we could wish this holiday season, it would be that all the children to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace. If we had two wishes we could make this holiday season, the first would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of harmony and peace. And the second would be for 30 million dollars a month to be given to us, tax-free in a Swiss bank account. You know, if we had three wishes we could make this holiday season, the first, of course, would be for all the children of the world to get together and sing, the second would be for the 30 million dollars every month to us, and the third would be for even more encompassing power over every living being in the entire universe. And if we had four wishes that we could make this holiday season, the first would be the crap about the kids definitely, the second would be for the 30 million, the third would be for all the power, and the fourth would be to set aside one month each year to have an extended staff-wide 31-day orgasm, to be brought out slowly by Rosanna Arquette and that model Paulina-somebody, we can't think of her name. Of course our lovely wives, and husbands, can come too and they are all behind us one hundred percent here, we guarantee it. Wait a minute, maybe the sex thing should be the first wish, so if we made that the first wish, because it could all go boom tomorrow, then what do you got, y'know? No, no, the kids, the kids singing would be great, that would be nice. But wait a minute, who are we kidding? They're not going to be able to get all those kids together. We mean, the logistics of the thing is impossible, more trouble than it's worth! So -- we reorganize! Here we go. First, the sex thing. We go with that. Second, the money. No, we got with the power second, then the money. And then the kids. Oh wait, oh jeez, we forgot about revenge against my enemies! Okay, we need revenge against all of our enemies, they should die like pigs in hell! That would be our fourth wish. And, of course, our fifth wish would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace. Thank you everybody.
(Borrowed (and slightly tweaked) from Steve Martin's monologue on the 1991 Saturday Night Live Christmas Special).