"I should begin by telling you that what I have to say unquestionably hurts me more than it hurts you. But I won’t, because that would be selfish, self-serving and self-indulgent.
Further, this isn’t about me and it never was. It’s about you and how you know that I know that you know that you would rather not have to have this conversation at all.
Still, while I will not dwell on how I have suffered in preparing for this conversation, I will tell you that I have been struggling for weeks now to maintain an erection, something I am proud to say, had otherwise not been a concern for me since I gave up sniffing glue in the late eighties."